To Catch a Teardrop - as my tears fell I wondered if I caught them if they would cease and take away my pain.

Distance deepens the divide and severs the affection that once existed it does not exonerate you from the pain you have caused.

Tears never fall pitter-patter

Your act of so-called self-preservation has made you devoid of true feeling and manifested the callous, selfish side you try to deny. Instead of running to another and crying lack of time maybe you should have stopped, taken a breath and thought to yourself would I want my daughter, future wife, grand-daughter or sister to be treated like this? Instead, you avoided neglected and built indifference. 

You wonder why is she acting emotional and losing it, crying and shouting? You laid the groundwork. You pursued and cared. You made them special and then with no warning you walked away, walked away with no thought to anyone else but you and your feelings

You were hurt and heartbroken but so was I. You left me with my heart and my emotions. We both wanted the same thing but it could not be or could it? You didn't stay to hear what was going on in my heart. You heard but did not listen to the pain in my voice. Had you stayed you would have had what you wanted.

                                                                                If I catch them will they stop?

You choose to turn and burn the bridge with no warning. Try as I might you refused to reach to me no matter how or what I tried. Tried I did. You walked away and didn't look back and now you wonder why I act the way that I do? You want me to be friends with the person you treated me badly for, neglected and treated with scant if any regard so you could spend time with her? NO! that will NOT be. I will not validate your insensitive actions.

I have to deal with my hurt and pain. I will not make you think it was acceptable to treat me like that. I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I have learnt you reserve that to those you consider your friends, and family the ones you want to impress and be with.  I was simply the girl at the moment you liked so much and wanted to be with. Once you realised I was hesitant because of the situation you discarded me for the first available person to pay you any attention. This may surprise you but I was emotionally invested. I say surprise because it obviously meant little or nothing when I said I cared and wanted to be with you.

Will they ever stop?

 You say it is always all about me but you have me confused with yourself.  Had I not cared, I would have left a long time ago. All my instincts told me to cut out my emotions and leave.  No, I stayed because I had not only deep feelings for you but I care, you are my friend and you needed a genuine friend.  Clearly, you do not want that. You want someone to say you are always right and help build your self-esteem in a way that only serves to cause further damage to you.  A true friend and friendship you lack the skills to identify.

                                                                                   

 

Tears are shed for us both

Now, you care not, and I am left to deal with my pain. So busy are you that you neither have the time, inclination or courtesy to answer my questions.  You say we are friends but you have time for everyone but me. The cycle you began continues.   If you get your way you have time if not then on to the next. You act like I am a nuisance when I ask questions, yet how many you had for your ex. I stood by your side as a friend and helped you to make sense of your pain and confusion. 

We have dealt with that before you say. We are going in circles you protest. No answers are forthcoming. You avoid and act like you are doing me a favour speaking with me. Pity... I neither want nor need. To be honest and have the maturity to answer my questions honestly is what I want not pity.

 I am a strong woman who knows her worth. If you do not answer I will survive, I will move on I will not beg.  It will be your loss because you may have friends but none will ever be comparable to me. 

My tears fall like raindrops unceasing and as they fall my pain is intolerable. The ache, oh the agony of my pain. Even when my physical tears cease the emotional tears run through me causing a reverberation through every part of my being. In time I know it will pass but it is the season of waiting, the throbbing of the hurt that makes one yearn for the time when the rain will turn to sunshine, my pain to joy.

I care for you even if my existence does not mean anything to you because that is what a true friend does.