I will Love you Forever and a Day
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| I will Love you Forever and a Day
Never
did I think I would react this way. I have thought about us seeing each other,
running into to each and how that would have been. Would I have been able to
speak to you? Would we want to speak to each other and what would have been said?
I guess we will never know as now I have to deal with your loss, your death.
In my
heart and head I had gotten over you and set myself and heart free. I wanted
nothing but the best for you but not have anything to do with you. But, then
you died. No warning, no goodbye, no I am sorry. You were gone. Just
gone. What I would do to just see you if even in passing but for a moment.
I was
awash with memories. Memories I had long since forgotten. Memories that
washed over me like massive waves of emotions. Emotions that overwhelmed
and paralyzed me. The good, the bad and the ugly. The hurt and the pain inflicted upon me. In spite of it, I
wept. I wept for days in disbelief that you were indeed gone. The reality which
has not truly set in. How could you be gone, why were you gone? Why not someone
else? Why you, why now?
How
much I loved you overwhelms me with a pain that makes my body hurt physically. I
can feel the emotional wounds as my insides feel raw with your loss. It was as
if I was taken back to that time and place. Where you bought me joy and happiness
just being able to hear your voice. I hear music I have not heard in a long time,
music that reminds me of us of you. It is like you are suddenly everywhere
I turn even in my dreams.
To lose
you not once but twice in one lifetime is almost unbearable. The first time my heart my broken, ripped out, crushed stomped on and thrown into a gutter. Now I feel it has been pierced over and over by a sword. Yet I grieve for you, your loss. You’re not here,
your gone, forever. I would do anything to have you here alive. All I want
is to know you are alive, to see you smile and feel the warmth of your
embrace. but you’re gone forever. I
can’t hear your voice, or laughter, I can't see you ever again, I can’t touch
you. You can't hug me. What I would give to just see you pass by. Everything has
changed and you have left a hole in my heart that cannot be ever filled. Yes, you hurt me but time does indeed heal all wounds. My wounds healed, I moved on and I learnt to love you in another way from afar. Yet the pain of your loss is overwhelming. I will heal, accept and move on in yet another way but the one thing that will remain true is that you will live in my heart always and forever.
I will Love you Forever and a Day
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